'What we have created is a society of kids studying...', the truth of this statement (while it's not for everybody) is so profound. While it's normal for parents to want to see their kids succeed and of course, do better than them in life, I think that they start to project their own aspirations and goals (that they may not have been able to achieve) on them, that's where the lines get blurred, and sometimes messy.
I think of some things I missed, and then I start saying 'my kid would do this, and that, blah blah blah' . It took me a while to actually come to the realization that I may be falling into this same trap that most parents have fallen into, and I am gradually restructuring my thoughts.
We are so exposed to a lot of things in our generation, and I just hope that we take the most beneficial of those things and be better parents to our own children.
Guy, LinkedIn, don't even let me get started on that platform 🤐
I can totally relate with this mahn!! And just like you seriously, no pressure from my parents whatsoever. But sometimes, I find myself reacting the opposite way to this pressure. For example, as a kid everyone thought I'd make a good lawyer cos I was argumentative, so I automatically became averse to law. Everyone thought I was so smart and should be in science class, so I was hell-bent on going to commercial class. I wasn't ready to bow to pressure, but I was ultimately bowing away from it, still actually, getting shaped by it.
And here I am, a first class graduate, got a job straight out of school, but I really don't know what I want yet. Every time my mind whispers, "this is what you want", it is difficult to tell if it is just me following what I was told was best for me, or I really believe that.
I'm trying my best to ask myself the right questions though. I still believe I can go down any career path I want. As soon as I am sure that is what will really work for me.
The fact that bowing away from pressure leaves us ultimately shaped by it is really deep. Mehn, we can only keep pushing and pray the paths align at some point in future. Thanks for sharing.
This issue has caused a lot of people to have social anxiety, imposter syndrome, mental health issues, suicidal thoughts... So many cons. I believe change starts from us (you) just as change started from Julie. To unload every single thing you've carried from the weight of others, you have to realize you have these problems and unload them. Awareness is so largely all over the place (world), but no one can really stop something they don't recognize.
Awareness is still so necessary, it should be welcomed into daily discussions. Pressure from society, media, schools, families even culture and religion. I get that people (the ones that pressure comes from) don't want to see you fail. Failure isn't something to seek, but no one really wants to see you fail, they stigmatise failure to the point that it creates every ill feeling inside of you.
When my classmates would go out to collect prices and I would be sitting, my mum would look at me and would tell me "you should be there, see your mates there, can't you try better." The issue with those words were that she wanted the best for me, the issue with those words for me became a big part of me afraid of failing so badly that I probably don't even try at all.
Because of these issues and stigma, people really question their self worth and have a whole bunch of feelings inside and outside of them. The one solution I can up with is "let's talk about the healthy side of failure", that really doesn't give any type of pressure.
I thought yesterday's message was valuable. Thank you for sharing
Thank you so much Oluwaseun. Our culture really stigmatizes failure, and it is one of the reasons why we young people are so risk-averse. Imposter syndrome, social anxiety and mental health problems are huge huge issues. I hope things get better. Thank you!
It's not surprising how superimposed projected images of "grown ups" around a child causes identity crisis. Being a high achiever is a good thing, being careful about random, not so frequent remarks to children (shades and expectations) is way better. Younglings are extremely sensitive to word and subtle gestures.
Poignant as usual. Just to add again as I have noted somewhere else, the world and every messages around us seems to propagate a culture of lack, that is we need to be more by projecting the success of others as our own reality and sadly those in the older generation bracket seem to pushing this hard even when you are the one that is supposed to be making decisions yourself. No doubt, their insights would help but let them step back for a while and let people navigate through life as the lessons are paramount to being better.
Such a great read! Absolutely beautiful! A lot of parents want to see in their children what they couldn't be or what they were(one of both) which is so crazy cos we children end up feeling like total failures as they've been pressured to "death"(death of their joy,personal dreams and their freedom to explore and really,truly find purpose)
Thank you so much for this! This is a topic I've broached with whoever cares to listen more than once. I'm almost certain every "youth" who reads this will be able to relate one way or another. I'm in a job I don't like just to please "vested interests". I'm mostly confused, and tired. I drive to the office with no motivation than to use the office facilities to do what I like, including reading this newsletter. The solution really is to turn off the switch the various societal expectations. Sadly ehn, many of us have imbibed the culture of putting pressure on ourselves and people around us just to meet up with these societal standards. O sumi! I do hope we have more conversations like this, cause e be serious things.
For another great newsletter, thanks a bunch bro! I'll probably sue you if you stop writing. Take that as pressure from me to you. LOL.
'What we have created is a society of kids studying...', the truth of this statement (while it's not for everybody) is so profound. While it's normal for parents to want to see their kids succeed and of course, do better than them in life, I think that they start to project their own aspirations and goals (that they may not have been able to achieve) on them, that's where the lines get blurred, and sometimes messy.
I think of some things I missed, and then I start saying 'my kid would do this, and that, blah blah blah' . It took me a while to actually come to the realization that I may be falling into this same trap that most parents have fallen into, and I am gradually restructuring my thoughts.
We are so exposed to a lot of things in our generation, and I just hope that we take the most beneficial of those things and be better parents to our own children.
Guy, LinkedIn, don't even let me get started on that platform 🤐
Exactly! The real point of all our learnings is to try and be better for the next generation. Thanks Sapphire :)
I can totally relate with this mahn!! And just like you seriously, no pressure from my parents whatsoever. But sometimes, I find myself reacting the opposite way to this pressure. For example, as a kid everyone thought I'd make a good lawyer cos I was argumentative, so I automatically became averse to law. Everyone thought I was so smart and should be in science class, so I was hell-bent on going to commercial class. I wasn't ready to bow to pressure, but I was ultimately bowing away from it, still actually, getting shaped by it.
And here I am, a first class graduate, got a job straight out of school, but I really don't know what I want yet. Every time my mind whispers, "this is what you want", it is difficult to tell if it is just me following what I was told was best for me, or I really believe that.
I'm trying my best to ask myself the right questions though. I still believe I can go down any career path I want. As soon as I am sure that is what will really work for me.
The fact that bowing away from pressure leaves us ultimately shaped by it is really deep. Mehn, we can only keep pushing and pray the paths align at some point in future. Thanks for sharing.
This issue has caused a lot of people to have social anxiety, imposter syndrome, mental health issues, suicidal thoughts... So many cons. I believe change starts from us (you) just as change started from Julie. To unload every single thing you've carried from the weight of others, you have to realize you have these problems and unload them. Awareness is so largely all over the place (world), but no one can really stop something they don't recognize.
Awareness is still so necessary, it should be welcomed into daily discussions. Pressure from society, media, schools, families even culture and religion. I get that people (the ones that pressure comes from) don't want to see you fail. Failure isn't something to seek, but no one really wants to see you fail, they stigmatise failure to the point that it creates every ill feeling inside of you.
When my classmates would go out to collect prices and I would be sitting, my mum would look at me and would tell me "you should be there, see your mates there, can't you try better." The issue with those words were that she wanted the best for me, the issue with those words for me became a big part of me afraid of failing so badly that I probably don't even try at all.
Because of these issues and stigma, people really question their self worth and have a whole bunch of feelings inside and outside of them. The one solution I can up with is "let's talk about the healthy side of failure", that really doesn't give any type of pressure.
I thought yesterday's message was valuable. Thank you for sharing
Thank you so much Oluwaseun. Our culture really stigmatizes failure, and it is one of the reasons why we young people are so risk-averse. Imposter syndrome, social anxiety and mental health problems are huge huge issues. I hope things get better. Thank you!
Thank you too!
Never related to anything more. Thank you so much.
You are very much welcome! *greatly emphasised :)*
It's not surprising how superimposed projected images of "grown ups" around a child causes identity crisis. Being a high achiever is a good thing, being careful about random, not so frequent remarks to children (shades and expectations) is way better. Younglings are extremely sensitive to word and subtle gestures.
I agree 100%, thank you.
The truth in your last three paragraphs💯 .. Thanks for sharing your insights.
Thanks Maryam!
Poignant as usual. Just to add again as I have noted somewhere else, the world and every messages around us seems to propagate a culture of lack, that is we need to be more by projecting the success of others as our own reality and sadly those in the older generation bracket seem to pushing this hard even when you are the one that is supposed to be making decisions yourself. No doubt, their insights would help but let them step back for a while and let people navigate through life as the lessons are paramount to being better.
Thank you Hameed 🚀
I am really glad more people share this perspective. Thanks for sharing brother. 🤟🏾
Such a great read! Absolutely beautiful! A lot of parents want to see in their children what they couldn't be or what they were(one of both) which is so crazy cos we children end up feeling like total failures as they've been pressured to "death"(death of their joy,personal dreams and their freedom to explore and really,truly find purpose)
Thanks a lot,Sir.
Absolutely! I didn't even think of what they were, that is really true as well. Thank you Joy.
Thank you so much for this! This is a topic I've broached with whoever cares to listen more than once. I'm almost certain every "youth" who reads this will be able to relate one way or another. I'm in a job I don't like just to please "vested interests". I'm mostly confused, and tired. I drive to the office with no motivation than to use the office facilities to do what I like, including reading this newsletter. The solution really is to turn off the switch the various societal expectations. Sadly ehn, many of us have imbibed the culture of putting pressure on ourselves and people around us just to meet up with these societal standards. O sumi! I do hope we have more conversations like this, cause e be serious things.
For another great newsletter, thanks a bunch bro! I'll probably sue you if you stop writing. Take that as pressure from me to you. LOL.
It's really sad egbon mi. May Allah continue to ease our Affairs :)
Great one!