In defense of self-advocacy - An argument to blow your own trumpet

Let us sọrọ sókè in all endeavors.

Hello guys,

Hope you are doing well. I’m okay, Alhamdulillah. As okay as one can be any way in light of #EndSars and all that is going on.

After realizing how much the constant immersion into the (often graphic and heartwrenching) images and videos has affected me, I have reduced my interactions with them. It is a selfish position to have, especially as actual humans are dying and making big sacrifices to end police brutality in Nigeria. But I have found it to be the best thing for my mental health. Ah well.

Okay, now to the newsletter.

A few weeks ago, I was preparing to apply for a particular opportunity. After some LinkedIn searches and phone calls, I was put through to someone who had received exactly what I was looking for.

We had a long phone call and he gave me a lot of advice about putting together my application. Then he said something that surprised me.

“Put there that you are a leader. Literally, write ‘I am a leader’. I know this is probably against our Nigerian home training, proclaiming who you are or what you have done. But do it. That’s what they want to see.”

I said okay and thanked him. But it still felt a bit odd to me. Many Nigerians (Yorubas?) have a very interesting attitude to excellence and praise, especially for young people. They may acknowledge (privately) that a young person is doing some cool stuff, but will typically not mention it to the person’s face ki ori e ma lo wu (so it doesn’t get to their head).

The ‘right thing’ to do as any striving young person is to be quiet and respectful. Your praises should be sung by other people, but never by yourself.

I remember meeting the father of one of my university friends a few years ago.

After being introduced by my friend, he asked,

“Shey omo daada ni e?” (Are you a good child?)

“Yes sir”

“No. Omo daada should not say he is omo daada. Your answer should be I don’t know. Only other people can say whether someone is omo daada. Sho ye e?”

“Yes sir”

I had never been more confused in my life. So the correct answer to whether you are a good child is I don’t know? Amazing.

I am not trying to make an argument for right or wrong, I am just painting a picture. So hopefully you see why saying ‘I am a leader’ might feel a bit forward for many Nigerians (read: Yorubas).

But the truth is, anybody trying to get ahead needs to blow their own trumpet. People interviewing for jobs need to confidently state their experience and the value they can bring. People running for public office need to share all their achievements to prove their competence and credibility. It is inevitable.

Image from Ceylon

Of course, it is better when you have people blow your trumpet for you. But how will these people know your capabilities if you hadn’t blown it to them previously?

Do you know Dr. Ben Carson?

For probably more than 70% of you, that answer is yes. Everybody knows Ben Carson.

Why do we know him? The easiest answer is he was the first surgeon to successfully separate Siamese (conjoined) twins at the back of the head.

Good.

Who was the first surgeon to successfully operate on babies born with a cleft lip?

Who was the first surgeon to successfully perform a heart transplant?

Who was the first surgeon to successfully remove an appendix?

I don’t know the answers to these questions. You probably don’t either. The reason we know Dr. Ben Carson is not because he successfully separated Siamese twins, it’s because he blew his trumpet. He wrote books about it, he gave speeches about it, he granted interviews about it. That’s what blowing your trumpet is.

Caveat: I am not an advocate for making noise on LinkedIn every single time you are attending a program or doing your birthday. I fear we are a generation of young people who are more passionate about proclaiming the work we are doing than actually doing the work.

But there are two main reasons why it is sometimes important to blow your own trumpet.

One.

If you don’t advocate for yourself, you will consistently lose out on opportunities to people who are less competent but more vocal.

Many of us know people in school, work, or life who have good reputations for their skills but are barely competent. Because they have mastered the art of putting themselves out there, decision-makers continue to push opportunities their way.

If you want to get a scholarship to Oxford, you need to prepare an excellent application, speak with strong referees, and then sell your experience and motivation in the best way possible. Oxford will never (read: rarely) reach out to you because they ‘heard of your skills’ and want to offer you a full scholarship.

Two.

If you’re someone that is ever going to do anything amazing in life, your story would be told anyway. Random people you don’t know are going to talk about you. It’s just the way it is. People I stan like Tidjane Thiam or Akintunde Oyebode have no clue I exist. But because they have done some things I find fascinating, I read and talk about them anyway.

By understanding the power of self-advocacy, you get to control that narrative. You tell your story yourself, not have it told on your behalf by people who do not see the full picture.

As you go on with your new week, take advantage of the opportunities that come to tell your story and self-advocate. You might be pleasantly surprised at what you find.

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If you found this newsletter useful, please share it with your friends. Have them read it and subscribe. I like to share personal stories and life lessons I am learning. They will be super random, but common themes will include business, personal development, human relationships, and Islam.

Gracias, and see you around.

Hameed