You really don't see the struggles.

Also: stop ignoring the signs.

Hi guys,

Hope you are well. I’m doing okay, Alhamdulillah.

I write with a slight headache at 10:01 am on Sunday morning. I’m not particularly in the mood to write today, but if I don’t begin now, then there’s no assurance that the energy will come later in the day.

So lezz do it.

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There are things you don’t see

A few weeks ago, I was fortunate to attend (i.e. sit quietly at) a presentation by an American business executive. He was super smart, very good-looking (I would even say ‘pretty’ 😂), an excellent orator, and surprisingly physically built for a 50-ish-year-old.

He went on to share with us his life story, including his time studying at West Point and in the US Military (which explained the muscles), his transition to business, his 9-month backpacking trip around the world with his wife, and everything in between. In all honesty, I was in awe and it felt like something out of a movie.

Unrelated image of former Wells Fargo CEO, John Stumpf - photo credit Business Insider

After delivering the core presentation, he shared some pictures on the projected screen and said something along the lines of,

“…As you know, this is our core strategy and priority for now, and I’ve been on the road for a while now delivering this message. These are pictures from my presentations and dinners in Germany, Switzerland, and France over the past month, and I’m glad to be with you all today…”

After the usual applauses and questions, someone in the room commented,

“You’ve been traveling for a month straight? You must be so glad to finally return to the US after today.”

Without skipping a beat, he replied,

“Haha return to the US? Not at all, I’m heading to India from here.”

And I just thought, ‘wowza’.

Not only had he been on business trips for the past month straight, but he still had more to go!

It made me realize just how much of people’s challenges we do not see.

While some other people might look at him and see the first-class flights, luxury 5-star hotels and all-expense paid trips to rub shoulders with big boys, what I saw in that moment was unlimited airport stopovers, lonely hotel rooms, lost time with a poor wife and kids somewhere, and hours and hours of forced social interaction. It was not a pretty sight.

I guess my personal lesson here was that we rarely see the full picture. And no matter how exciting, glamorous, or ‘better’ someone else’s life might seem, they very often involve difficult trade-offs that we might not be willing to endure.

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What I’m thinking about

Every once in a while, something happens to one of us that has us going, “Had I known I would not have used that IG vendor” or “Had I known, I would just have gone to private uni…” 🌚

You know what?

Most times, we do know.

We see signs that an IG vendor would disappoint when they always reply our dm two days late.

We see signs that a wife is cheating should she visibly fidget when her spouse is with her phone.

We see signs that a new driver does not have good intentions when he continually delays providing a reference or recommendation letter.

I do not advocate for permanently spying on the people around you, but I think many unpleasant human interactions (and unfortunate scenarios we go through) send us signals in advance. To minimize future tears, it is in our interest to act on them.

** Jara content:

وَأَنفِقُوا۟ مِن مَّا رَزَقْنَـٰكُم مِّن قَبْلِ أَن يَأْتِىَ أَحَدَكُمُ ٱلْمَوْتُ فَيَقُولَ رَبِّ لَوْلَآ أَخَّرْتَنِىٓ إِلَىٰٓ أَجَلٍۢ قَرِيبٍۢفَأَصَّدَّقَ وَأَكُن مِّنَ ٱلصَّـٰلِحِينَ

And spend (in the way of Allah) from what We have provided you before death approaches one of you and he says, “My Lord, if only You would delay me for a brief term so I would give charity and be among the righteous.”

-Surah Munafiqun, verse 10

Have a great week. ✨