What Nigerian Tailors Can Teach You About 2nd Order Connections

That is the past now and I can only hope to do better in the future.

Hi guys,

Hope you are well. I’m doing okay, Alhamdulillah.

I write this at 2:42 pm on a chilly Sunday afternoon. The past few days have been so cold as winter continues to approach. Or has it come already?

I don’t know lol, but I don't remember last November being this cold. If you checked my Google Chrome history, you would likely come across things like ‘what to do about freezing hands’, ‘how to make hands warm fast’, or ‘why are my hands so cold’.

According to Dr. Google, I should probably look into the possibility that I have Raynaud’s disease. But it’s never that deep lol, I be black man so I no get problem. 😄

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In the past week, I have ­­been thinking a lot about people. You know, human behaviour and alladat. And I have come to two (non-exhaustive) conclusions.

Most Humans are Stable in Time

Put simply, people don’t (read: rarely) change.

Remember your friend from secondary school, Sade, that always made inappropriate jokes? She still makes them today.

Your course mate that was always late to classes and exams? You really shouldn’t be too surprised if his wedding starts 2 hours late.

A few weeks ago, I went for dinner with my Pakistani friend whom I hadn’t seen in maybe 9 months. Unsurprisingly, he came along with a gift he knew I would like from his most recent trip to Pakistan. I felt so bad because I was rushing from work and had barely even thought of getting him a gift, not to talk of a particularly thoughtful one.

But in hindsight, I should have expected it. S is such a great guy and is naturally someone who likes to give. From our previous interactions, I should have anticipated that he would have come with a gift and done the same.

That is the past now and I can only hope to do better in the future.

Anyhoo, the point is that people rarely change. Their locations might change, their careers might change, their spouses might change. But their character? Their values? Their defining qualities?

More times than not, they stay the same.

For me, there is a very powerful lesson here. When you find someone amazing, hold on to them. Whether as a friend, as a business partner, as a boss, or as a lover is irrelevant. Sticking with people that are a source of positive energy in your life is always going to be a winning strategy. 

Second-order connections are incredibly important

You know that thing on LinkedIn that shows a number next to the names of profiles you look at?

Either ‘1st’ or ‘2nd’ or ‘3rd+’?

I know you know already what it means but I’ll reiterate anyway. 1st means somebody you are ‘friends’ with or otherwise connected to. 2nd means someone you are not connected to, but one or more of your connections are ‘friends’ with. And 3rd+ means someone you don’t know from Adam. 😂 Not only are you not connected to this person, nobody you know is connected to them.

You know, I really like 2nd order connections. And I don’t mean on LinkedIn, I mean in real life. Because while I relate well with many people, I try to pick my actual friends properly. And thus, the genuine friend of my genuine friend is definitely my friend.

And I know it’s the same for you. Since your friends generally have sense, you’re willing to believe that their other friends you didn’t previously know must be good people as well.

Yesterday, I was thinking about sewing a new kaftan. I wear them much more rarely than I used to, and I thought it would be nice to revert to the old me for a while. Immediately, I buzzed my brother O about his tailor. After gauging the price, I ran away. Because me and O are brothers does not mean we can afford the same things. 😂

Image from The Economist

Shortly after, I buzzed by brother D. His own tailor, thankfully, was much more reasonable. And I will be going ahead with him in sha Allah. But if you think about it, some of this is odd. In the days of our parents, it would have been natural to search for a product/person by calling up our friends. But today we have Twitter/Instagram vendors, Jumia, Amazon Prime, and good old Google (e.g. searching for “tailor near me”) to have access to a very wide range of products and services. We can access an almost infinite selection, and even filter by price and ratings/reviews made by hundreds of people before making a decision.

So why on earth should I still be reaching out to my boys for a recommendation?

Because of the second-order connection effect.

By using O’s tailor or D’s tailor, I (hope to) have automatically screened out the vast majority of potentially useless candidates I could have found on the internet. O or D would not recommend a terrible person to me, after all. On the flip side, they would probably rather say “AbdulHameed my tailor is good o, but he rarely delivers on time. If it’s urgent, don’t use him” than give me someone who would disappoint me. That’s the power of a friend (read: 1st order connection).

You might be tempted to think that as the world gets more technologically advanced, traditional methods of doing things like leveraging personal relationships will be in decline. But you would be wrong. Instead, it will only get more important. As there is an infinite choice and limited time, many people searching for something/someone want somebody else to pre-filter on their behalf.

This is why many single young people tell their married/engaged friends, “I’m searching o, does your man have single friends?”.  

This is why many companies still recruit a significant number of employees by referral.

This is why people applying to graduate school often require a respected member of that academic space or industry to write them a recommendation letter.

As the world evolves, the importance of second-order connections will only continue to grow. And those who know how to use it will surely reap the rewards.

** Jara content:

I came across this verse a few days ago. The idea of being created merely to be tested really does put all our problems in perspective.

إِنَّا خَلَقْنَا الْإِنسَانَ مِن نُّطْفَةٍ أَمْشَاجٍ نَّبْتَلِيهِ فَجَعَلْنَاهُ سَمِيعًا بَصِيرًا

"Indeed, We created man from a sperm-drop mixture that We may try him; and We made him hearing and seeing.”- Chapter 76, verse 2

Have a great week. ✨