What is coming is better than what has gone

The only way to escape loss is to live a life devoid of aspiration.

Hi guys,

I write this lying in bed at 8:13 am on a Sunday morning, with the curtains drawn and the lights off. There is something about simulating nighttime that makes it easier for me to focus.

Hope you are well. I’m doing okay, Alhamdulillah.

Not to say that life is oh-so-perfect, but that my current worries are relatively ‘good problems’. What is a good problem, you ask?

For example, someone recently shared with me that she was feeling stressed because of undergoing many many client meetings for her business. This is a ‘good problem’ because it means her business x professional reputation is taking off.

And since every client consultation is a paid engagement, then vamossss. 🤑🤑

** side note: The above is to make a point about ‘good problems’, not to advocate for excessive working at the cost of friendships, relationships, personal time, or your mental health.

Ah yes, back to the newsletter.

A few years ago, the PAADC team was trying to secure a partnership with Shell. Well, we were trying to secure a partnership with anybody that could give us money. 😂

But Shell was a perfect fit. A multinational company, very high profile, super interested in STEM, super interested in local content development, and we had contacts there. Like I said, perfect.

And after one or two conversations with our primary liaison, he hinted that they could easily give us 6 million Naira (about $20k then). But we would need to put in an excellent application as their screening process was rigorous. We were up for it.

And so we put a lot of effort into preparing a proposal that we thought would be good enough. Our contact received it, took one look, and said no.

‘Change this wording, remove this content, add some slides that talk about xyz.’

Okay. We got to work again and sent in the proposal for review.

‘Erm no. You need to emphasize xyz. Frame it in such a way that highlights…’

Again, we made the necessary changes and sent in the updated version.

‘This looks really good but I think we can still make it better. Shell receives so many of these proposals, you know.’

All of this happened over several days, maybe even a week. I do not remember the details of what we needed to change, or exactly how many iterations of that document we had, but I suspect it was about five or six.

But you know what?

After we sent in the final proposal, they still said no.

The reason for their rejection escapes my memory, but I remember feeling quite disappointed. We had put in a lot of time x effort trying to secure sponsorship from Shell, prioritizing it over everything else that was important (perhaps both to PAADC and our personal lives).

And now it was gone.

** side note: For the uninitiated, Shell was (and perhaps still is) overrated in Nigerian Engineering professional circles. Depending on your location x professional background, Google, John Hopkins, Shopify, or HM Treasury might be a worthy comparison.

I think most humans respond to loss from one of two perspectives - scarcity or abundance.

A person with a scarcity mindset tends to believe that resources are finite, and after losing something amazing, things can only go downhill from there.

‘I didn’t get into FAANG. Facebook, Apple, Amazon, Netflix, and Google all rejected me. I guess I am now limited to second-tier software companies for at least 1 year. This sucks.’

Or

‘I cannot believe he left me after 6 years together. After everything I did for him. Now I’m 32, nobody wants me. Even if they did, there are no good men left!’

Having an abundance mindset is the exact opposite, believing that earth’s resources are infinite, and what is coming is always better than what has gone.

You didn’t get into FAANG? Pelee. Maybe your true calling is an early-stage startup, where you are more valued and long-term compensation is potentially much more lucrative.

Did he leave you? Sad stuff. But with 3.5 billion males on earth, the odds that one of them is a better fit for you are pretty high.

Abundance mindset 🤣🤣 …Image from memegenerator

You see, loss in itself is inevitable. As long as you live with some aspirations, you will experience it again and again and again. I do not pretend it is easy to suddenly switch on a button that says, ‘I am experiencing loss. I shall hereby think in an abundance mindset.’

We are humans after all. And so it is okay (and perhaps even important) to take a break to process these things, connect with our feelings of loss and frustration, and then begin to figure out a way forward.

My PAADC team never did find another company willing to give us 6 million Naira for that particular edition. But we eventually forged partnerships with probably half a dozen companies and government parastatals that ensured we stayed afloat.

All of these helped us build more credibility (6 corporate partners > 1 corporate partner) and lasting relationships with people we would never have met had we received a cheque from Shell in the earlier days.

Looking back, I would not have it any other way.

** Jara content:

وَلَـلۡاٰخِرَةُ خَيۡرٌ لَّكَ مِنَ الۡاُوۡلٰىؕ‏ … وَلَسَوۡفَ يُعۡطِيۡكَ رَبُّكَ فَتَرۡضٰىؕ‏ 

“Indeed what is to come will be better for you than what has gone by. Verily your Lord will soon give you so amply that you will be well-pleased.” - Q93 V4 and 5

Have a great week. 💫