What happens when you don't win?

On human flaws, my disagreement with Yoda, and patience as the key.

Hello guys,

Hope you are doing well. I am doing okay, Alhamdulilah. Break season is over, so back to the life of running upandan. We move sha. One thing about writing a newsletter like this is that in spite of all the ‘good advice’ and ‘life lessons’ I may try to share, it does not make me automatically overcome the errors. We are human first and foremost, and thus immensely flawed.

Having written about ‘a life of perfect balance is a myth’ or ‘a guide to salary negotiation’, one might assume that I am efficient in prioritizing my tasks and achieving personalized balance. Or that I have reached out to my employer asking for a raise. These are not necessarily true. Sometimes storytelling paints an idealized picture, and real-life application becomes exceedingly difficult for reasons that might not be apparent. Any lessons shared here are for myself first and foremost.

Our dear Yoda says, ‘Do or do not. There is no try.’

Image from StarWars.com

With all due respect, o wise one, I beg to differ. All we can do is try. A commitment to ‘doing’ or ‘donoting’ assumes that all variables are within our control. They are not, so we can only try.

Anyhoo, now to today’s (short) newsletter.

Can you remember when last you won something? Maybe some competition, an office challenge, or even a FIFA game. It may even be something as random as a race up the stairs. Humans like to win, it’s in our nature.

Caveat: ‘win’ here does not necessarily mean a competition or game. It basically means achieving your goal.

Our society in many ways reinforces this idea of winning. Aladdin, the poor thief ultimately ‘wins’ Princess Jasmin. Rocky Balboa may fall or be beaten up, but he always wins the boxing match (or rematch as the case may be). The Avengers might have looked down and out in Infinity Stones, but we all knew Thanos would eventually be defeated in Endgame. We didn’t know how, but we knew it.

But in our actual lives, these wins are much less common. The uncertainty of our future is much more real. Nobody goes through a heartbreak thinking ‘Oh na smallz, I will win in the end.’ Nobody losing their job thinks ‘This is round one, I will win the rematch.’ We feel these losses deeply more times than not, struggling to accept our reality before we are able to figure out a new path forward.

There’s this thing that people say.

‘Things are going to be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, then it’s not the end.’

I really like this saying. It’s super reassuring and sometimes gives us the motivation to just keep things going.

But I’m not entirely sure it is true. There’s no assurance that things will be better in the end. That job you lost? I can’t promise you there’s a better one waiting. The relationship that didn’t work out? It just might have been the best relationship of your life. We may not like to hear it, but those are real possibilities.

So what then?

The ‘Muslamic’ approach (click this link! 😂) is to be patient. Every loss (and win) is a test from Allah, and all that matters is our response to it. With wins, we should be thankful to Him and put our wins to positive use. With our losses, we should understand that it is part of His plan for us (whether we can see it or not), and then be patient.

This does not mean that we should be defeatist and becoming comfortable in every L that comes our way. We should try and try and try again. But when the wins are not forthcoming, patience and trust in Allah is the key.

In Surah 2 verse 155 to 156, He says:

وَلَنَبْلُوَنَّكُم بِشَيْءٍ مِّنَ الْخَوْفِ وَالْجُوعِ وَنَقْصٍ مِّنَ الْأَمْوَالِ وَالْأَنفُسِ وَالثَّمَرَاتِ ۗ وَبَشِّرِ الصَّابِرِينَ الَّذِينَ إِذَا أَصَابَتْهُم مُّصِيبَةٌ قَالُوا إِنَّا لِلَّهِ وَإِنَّا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعُونَ

Be sure we shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in goods or lives or the fruits (of your toil), but give glad tidings to those who are patient. Who say, when afflicted with calamity: "To Allah We belong, and to Him is our return."

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If you found this newsletter useful, please share it with your friends. Have them read it and subscribe. I like to share personal stories and life lessons I am learning. They will be super random, but common themes will include business, personal development, human relationships, and Islam.

Gracias, and see you around.

Hameed