Hi guys,
Hope you are well. I’m doing okay, Alhamdulillah.
I write this at 9:11 am on a calm Sunday morning. It is only calm so far because I have refused to come online on Obasanjo’s internet. I am anticipating one or two messages that will ‘uncalm’ my day. 😂
I was ready to start this newsletter about two hours ago, but then remembered that I was about three weeks behind on Formula 1. So as not to lose focus of my life priorities, I immediately left the substack tab and spent the next 45 or so minutes on YouTube.
Then while scanning through my emails, I saw some documents shared from a call I was on yesterday. Even though I must have reviewed them several months ago, I had no recollection of any of the contents. And so some 15 or so minutes went into taking another look through.
And then I spent the last hour reading Aisha's newsletter, doing some minor stalking of a guy I am shooting my shot at, sending an email reminder for a call I am looking forward to later today, replying to some old comments, and reviewing my to-do-list for the day. Oh, and eating an apple.
As you can tell, my motivation x energy levels have fallen maybe 50% in the past two hours. But if I put off writing now, then I will likely be back here at 10pm, struggling to put out content before heading to bed.
Struggling now >>> struggling later.
So let’s get to it.
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A few years ago, the PAADC team was desperately trying to raise money for our grand finale.
We sent many emails, went for many meetings, and had many phone calls with people who could either give us cash, get their organizations to support us, or introduce us to other people.
And we went all around Lagos, knocking on doors.
I remember our visit to Primero Transport Limited, the company that runs the BRT system from Oshodi to Abule Egba. We were fortunate to spend a few minutes with the Managing Director, Mr. Fola Tinubu. I do not remember what Hassana ate, said, or did to make him like us so, but he was genuinely pleasant and gave us a lot of support.
I remember visiting the FIRS office, where my brother Omo Mama John had used a lot of social capital to help us get an appointment with the immediate past Chairman, Dr. Babatunde Fowler. Dr. Fowler had spent the majority of his day in Abuja, and arrived for our meeting more than 4 hours late.
And so Oghena, Dayo, and I had stayed together in a small waiting room, wondering if Dr. Fowler would show up at all, and fearful that our Lecturers might announce impromptu tests in the classes we were missing. He did eventually arrive, with an army of people following him, all looking for important airtime with the Chairman.
I remember our visit to ALAT (Wema Bank's mobile division), during which their number 2 man basically told me to get out of his sight. 😭😭
** beginning of side note **
We were too broke to take cabs for all of these meetings (bloody students after all), but we also could not afford to be late because we were looking for a conductor who was somewhere eating akara. Or to have Lagos drivers splash muddy water all over our white shirts on rainy days.
So we had an interesting compromise. We took Ubers to our meetings, always arriving crisp and fresh. And then after spending a few hours in Ikoyi, VI, or Ikeja GRA pretending to be respectable people for our interactions with potential sponsors, we would look around for something cheap to eat, and then join the 2-hour evening traffic with a keke to Obalende, a bus (molue) to Yaba, and the shuttle to Unilag.
If you saw us cooking concoction Jollof rice while preparing for exams in the bedbug-infested rooms of King Jaja Hall on those nights, you would have struggled to believe we could be allowed into the same rooms with some of the people we had met earlier in that same day.
To be fair, I rarely joined in on the cooking of concoction rice. I was much more likely to be found in Agayin Palace, sweating and eating the life of my head. 😆
** end of side note **
Nice as it is to reminisce about these experiences, the focus of today's newsletter is about a meeting with a 'big man' in Ikoyi. You see, we had shared with him our proposal beforehand, and he had said 'come and see me in my office'.
The meeting itself was very pleasant, even though finding his office in old Ikoyi was quite difficult. He had mentioned then that he would have to make the necessary confirmations, but he expected that his company would give us about 1 million naira.
We were overjoyed. Our budget was much more than that, but we really could use 1m at the time. And then we followed up. And followed up. And followed up.
He did eventually get back to me, with disappointing news. While his company could no longer support us with 1m, he personally would send us 10,000 naira as an endorsement of the initiative.
'Thank you so much, sir. God bless you.’
But we were so disappointed. I personally struggled to understand it. How did we go from 1m to 10k??
Even the Uber + molue return trip to see him cost a lot of that. Not to mention the stress of printing proposals, missing classes, and the opportunity cost of chasing other people because we thought that 1m was sure.
Anyhoo, we collected the money, spent it on something I no longer remember and that was the end of it.
Looking back now, I regret feeling the way I felt back then. I see now that we - and I personally - felt entitled to his (company’s) money. It was not our money, and we quite frankly had no right to it. Even if he did explicitly encourage us to expect 1m, there was no firm handshake or agreement in that sense.
A lot of things could have happened in those few weeks.
Maybe the company had just done a deal that went wrong. Maybe there was a new government regulation that required additional investment. Maybe they just completed Accounting for the fiscal year and realized they made a loss.
Maybe he was currently footing the bills of his family members in the hospital. Maybe he was struggling to pay the school fees for his children in the US. Maybe he was repaying the loan he took for his failed electoral campaign. Maybe maybe maybe.
The point is that it was never our money, and we should have been genuinely grateful for what we got, instead of thinking about how much more we were expecting. I have a friend who talks a lot about being anti-entitlement. I do not always agree with her views, but I think the general lessons are worth considering.
And so here is a reminder for myself and you.
Stop feeling entitled to other people’s money. Stop feeling entitled to other people's things. Stop feeling entitled to other people’s time.
And when you get something from them less than what you were expecting, smile and say ‘thank you’.
And mean it too.
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During a conversation with my brother Olaniyi last week, he asked why I stopped putting prompts and reminders for you to share this newsletter.
I told him I phased them out because I believed those who wanted to share would do so anyway, and those who didn't want to would not, even if I put 20 reminders.
He convinced me to bring them back, as he genuinely believed people might be forgetting to share and need the reminder.
Ah well.
** Jara content:
If you have ever attended a Jumah service in Nigeria, it is likely you have heard this verse. If you haven't noticed, look out for it next Friday.
اِنَّ اللّٰهَ يَاۡمُرُ بِالۡعَدۡلِ وَالۡاِحۡسَانِ وَاِيۡتَآىـئِ ذِى الۡقُرۡبٰى وَيَنۡهٰى عَنِ الۡفَحۡشَآءِ وَالۡمُنۡكَرِ وَالۡبَغۡىِۚ يَعِظُكُمۡ لَعَلَّكُمۡ تَذَكَّرُوۡنَ
Innal laaha ya'muru bil 'adli wal ihsaani wa eetaaa'i zil qurbaa wa yanhaa 'anil fahshaaa'i wal munkari walbagh-i' ya'izukum la'allakum tazakkaroon
"Indeed, Allah commands justice, grace, as well as courtesy to close relatives. He forbids indecency, wickedness, and aggression. He instructs you so perhaps you will be mindful."
- Surah 16 verse 90
What better people we would be if we acted upon even half of the things we hear.
Have a great week. ✨
I tell myself that all the time, too. If I don't feel entitled to anybody or anything, then I don't expect anything I don't get disappointed. And almost everything - a call, a text, a gift, etc - becomes a pleasant surprise.
It makes life easier, really. If there's something, then nice. If there's nothing, no hard feelings.
But as much as being anti-entitlement is good for your mental and emotional health, at the end of the day you are only a human being. You're going to have expectations of certain people, your friends and family. It's why you are in a special relationship with them, and that's how they are different from strangers and acquaintances and mere colleagues.
This is awesome. I guess I just have to tell myself this to a huge promise I've been waiting on for an event “sponsorship” we had and the funds have been pending for 6 Months now 😂😂😂 I no dey entitled!