We should all be less judgy and more patient

No matter how busy they were to the outside world, they were always one phone call away.

Hi guys,

Hope you are well. I’m doing okay, Alhamdulillah.

But let me give you the answer HT gave me earlier today when I asked how he was.

‘Alive and pushing it. Mostly tired.’

I could relate soo much. But issokay, Alhamdulillah.

About six or seven years ago, I began to take the concept of mentorship seriously. More by accident than intentionality, I found two people who decided to take me under their wings and actively give me life advice.

But after I realized how much I was benefitting from these relationships, I began to nurture them and also seek out more and more people I could learn from. From the numerous people I have considered ‘mentors’ at some point or the other, I noticed they generally fell into two categories.

Category A was for the people who always had my time. No matter how busy or important they were at work or to the outside world, they were always one phone call or text message away. I genuinely felt prioritized. It was great.

Category B was for the people who just frankly did not. It was not that they cared for me any less than the other group or that they offered less value in my life, no. But they were much harder to reach. Getting on the phone took maybe 3+ attempts sometimes. Messages were often replied days later and implementations of commitments they had made were neither here nor there.

Back then, I thought it was a simple matter of choice x personality. Some people gave 100% priority to their relationships and some others did not. And I promised myself to always be in category A should the time come when I was on the other end.

Looking back now, I was wrong. Even though I am not yet a ‘mentor’ or someone actively on the receiving end of requests for advice, I can already see that it is much easier to fall into category B than I previously thought.

And it comes not from a place of lack of care or disregard for maintaining relationships. It comes from a place of not having the bandwidth to care for much more than yourself.

I have evolved from seeing it as a selfish way of thinking to sometimes a necessary way of thinking. And more interestingly, you don’t need an excuse to be in category B. We find it easy to excuse a category B person because ‘her mother is on admission’ or ‘his company is filing for bankruptcy’. In those situations, we are very tolerant.

But we can and should be more patient, and less judgy.

Sometimes work/school, personal x spiritual development, family commitments, and some leisure x entertainment are more than enough for a person’s plate to be full. And you, I, and all the other commitments said person has, sad as it sounds, are secondary.

Now I get it.

—————

I initially planned for all of the above to be a preamble, with the bulk of the newsletter coming after. But after writing four paragraphs of bland content, I just did Ctrl + X.

It is important to me that I geninely feel in tune with the content I share. And as all of that writing just did not feel right, it has joined its brothers and sisters in an abandoned area of my drafts, never to see the light of day.

I could put in some time to refine it instead, but nah. My brain needs the break. I shall now proceed to consume Asaro and gizdodo at after 11pm in the night.

Image from Sisi Jemimah

Oloun a wa pelu wa.

** Jara content:

One of my favourite duas in the Quran is the prayer of Zakariya AS (Zecheriah) for his son, Yahya AS (John).

قَالَ رَبِّ اِنِّىۡ وَهَنَ الۡعَظۡمُ مِنِّىۡ وَاشۡتَعَلَ الرَّاۡسُ شَيۡبًا وَّلَمۡ اَكُنۡۢ بِدُعَآٮِٕكَ رَبِّ شَقِيًّا

He said, "My Lord, indeed my bones have weakened, and my head has filled with white, and never have I been in my supplication to You, my Lord, unhappy [i.e., disappointed].

وَإِنِّي خِفْتُ الْمَوَالِيَ مِن وَرَائِي وَكَانَتِ امْرَأَتِي عَاقِرًا فَهَبْ لِي مِنلَّدُنكَ وَلِيًّا

And indeed, I fear the successors after me, and my wife has been barren, so give me from Yourself an heir.

يَرِثُنِي وَيَرِثُ مِنْ آلِ يَعْقُوبَ وَاجْعَلْهُ رَبِّ رَضِيًّا

Who will inherit me and inherit from the family of Jacob. And make him, my Lord, pleasing [to You]." - Surah 19: verses 4 to 6

Have a great week. 💫