Sleep-deprivation, pigeonholing, and Femi's malleable self-image

While Eddie Murphy might be excellently skilled in music, his comedic brand image might never allow him make the leap.

Hi guys,

Hope you are doing well. I'm okay, Alhamdulillah.

I've had one of those weeks that was super fast and super stressful, yet super exciting. I think kind of like the launch week of a startup. Or the week of planning a wedding. Many things to do, so little time, lots of uncertainty, but ultimately exciting because of the unique experience. It's basically over now, but I am quite sleep-deprived, and far from my mental best. I opened this tab to start writing some 4 hours ago, but couldn't do anything so then quit to get 3.5 hours of much-needed sleep. Back again, blank screen, and perhaps a bit more focused on Rachel Chu meeting Nick Young's Ah Ma, I have to give this a go.

Someone told me once that he felt like he had read one of my newsletters before. Even though it was brand new (coming out just that Sunday), he said the style, the mannerisms, and even the content of the newsletter all felt like something I had written before. I found that quite fascinating, and I think there are likely two reasons why.

One.

A human is a human (is a human!), with unique (yet limited) thoughts, experiences, and ideas. And these thoughts and ideas not only repeat themselves in all our minds, but are likely self-reinforcing as well, giving us even more endorsement to proclaim the things we have previously proclaimed. When combined with my terrible short term memory (story for another day), I would not be surprised if half the things I wrote I had written before! 😂

** Side note: Before Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat on the Montgomery bus in 1955, she had actually had a scuffle with the very same bus driver 12 years earlier. That time, she had resisted the rule for Black people to disembark from the back door. I suspect her intolerance for discrimination (especially associated with that particular driver) was ultimately reinforcing, encouraging her to refuse to give up her seat 12 years later.

Two (and this one I like).

It might mean I have started to take ownership of a particular writing style. That I have perhaps subconsciously began to realize which words, phrases, internal jokes, and bullets work for me, and then shoot them over and over again with the same gun. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? I would say both.

Why is it a good thing?

Because the hallmark of anybody involved in creating content is the distinct nature of their work. When you pick up an Adam Grant book, you know well that there would be some unique fusion of psychology, research, and business, all linked by fascinating theories and interesting story telling. If you had picked up a John Grisham book instead, then you would likely experience some thrilling crime story, with somebody somewhere somehow entangled with the law.

Or if you watched a Christopher Nolan movie, then the concepts would be difficult to grasp (think futuristic, time travel, or inversion), and the protagonist would be in a plot with far reaching consequences for humanity (he is a bit dramatic, if we're being honest). Basically, ownership of a distinct style creates more value for both parties. So yes, a good thing.

Then why is it a bad thing?

Because by pigeonholing into a particular style of writing (or directing or acting or whatever else), you might begin to only think in a certain way. Even worse, we often times find it difficult to break away from the ‘expected image’ once the association becomes stronger.

While Eddie Murphy might be excellently skilled in music, his comedic brand image might never allow him make the leap. As someone who thrives on building flexibility and optionality, the thought that I might become overly associated with one thing or way of thinking (and thus unable to seek out new experiences) is a scary thought.

Image from cheatsheet

** Side note: Already behind on time, I just took out an extra 30+ minutes to join Lola Yunus’ session on today's (virtual) MICA floor. This newsletter is now super late and I need to rush the remaining, but I do not regret my decision.

Anyhoo,

Sometime last year, my friend Femi (not real name) switched jobs. We talked quite a bit about it, and he was enjoying his new role. The work was good, the people seemed nice, and the pay was good. He had asked for more than any of his previous salaries in the interview, and was pleasantly surprised that the employer agreed without too much of a hassle.

All was well. But a few weeks later, Femi was genuinely unhappy about work. I was surprised because he had been really loving it previously. So what was going on?

It turns out Femi was the lowest paid employee at his office. After having a number of conversations with work buddies, he found out they were all significantly better paid than he was. He suddenly felt undervalued, and his attitude towards his shiny new job had turned sour. I tried to encourage him to focus on himself and not others, and reminded him of his joy just a few weeks earlier. But that did not work so well, and he left our interaction still down in the dumps.

While this is forever ago, a throwback to this conversation is useful in my view for at least one reason.

Self-image is malleable

I find this particularly interesting. Many of us have fixed views of ourselves and hold on to them forever more. These (mostly negative) thoughts become engrained in our subconscious, and become part of our self image going forward.

‘Nah I can't do a PhD, I'm not that smart’

‘I'm too short to play basketball’

‘I will never find a good job with a 2:2’

‘Nobody wants to marry a divorcee with 4 kids’

‘He/She is way out of my league’

But (even if they were true) none of these is absolute. Just like it only took a few weeks of work and new interactions for Femi to value himself much higher than he previously imagined, we should always remember that our sense of self-worth is malleable.

Our job is to continuously work on ourselves, and then adjust our self image accordingly. I always try to psyche myself mentally, and improve on my self-image when times are tough (as they very often are). I do not promise immediate success, but I feel better afterwards more times than not.

Since you read my newsletter, I know a few things about you as well.

You are smart, witty, attractive, and kind. You are young, energetic, empathetic, and forward thinking. You care about yourself, and you care about others. You like to learn, and you never settle. You get things done in spite of what life throws your way. And at the very least, you always try.

This is the only energy we should tolerate henceforth.

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If you found this newsletter useful, please share it with your friends. Have them read it and subscribe. I like to share personal stories and life lessons as I learn. They will be super random, but common themes will include business, personal development, human relationships, and Islam.

Gracias, and see you around.

Hameed

** Jara content (you people should be paying me for these gems 😂):

“I very frequently get the question: ‘What's going to change in the next 10 years?' And that is a very interesting question; it's a very common one. I almost never get the question: ‘What's not going to change in the next 10 years?' And I submit to you that that second question is actually the more important of the two — because you can build a business strategy around the things that are stable in time … In our retail business, we know that customers want low prices, and I know that's going to be true 10 years from now. They want fast delivery; they want vast selection. It's impossible to imagine a future 10 years from now where a customer comes up and says, ‘Jeff I love Amazon; I just wish the prices were a little higher,' [or] ‘I love Amazon; I just wish you'd deliver a little more slowly.' Impossible. […] When you have something that you know is true, even over the long term, you can afford to put a lot of energy into it.” - Jeff Akinyemi Bezos

Have a great week. 💫