On novelty, obligations, and planning for the future.
We can always count on a better tomorrow.
Hey guys,
Hope you’re well. I’m doing okay, Alhamdulillah.
The days fly past so quickly now. How is it 12:44 pm already? How is it even Sunday already? I don tire.
Writing today’s newsletter was supposed to be quite straightforward. I started a story last week and left it on ‘to be continued’. So quite naturally, all I need to do is resume Part 2 of 2, no?
Erm, my brain doesn’t quite work that way. And I should have known. After all, the last time I split a newsletter into two, this exact same thing happened. I was low on motivation to continue the old one, and took a ‘break’ to write about something else instead.
I have wondered why this is so, and two things come to mind. It might be one, both, or none of them, but I shall proceed to rant to you anyway.
Yearning for Novelty
I love the idea of novelty. From a technology and innovation perspective, I find the idea of breaking barriers and doing things in a different way fascinating. But also in my personal life, I generally yearn for new experiences.
I get bored easily. So I am permanently scanning the horizons for new things to do, new places to go, new people to meet, and new causes to join. And so looking back (to complete an old newsletter) is much less attractive to me than being in the present (writing about what is on my mind today) or dreaming about tomorrow.
And while this trait has mostly served me well, I have learnt to (attempt to) control it as success in many parts of life involve being comfortable with the old. Switching jobs or spouses or children every few months due to a ‘yearning for novelty’ is not likely going to get a person very far.
Feeling obligated
I think many people hate feeling obligated to do something.
Have you ever seen a 13-year-old kid who was preparing to wash plates get told by her mother to ‘go and wash the plates immediately’?
While the young girl might have fully intended to wash the plates before, now she has no interest whatsoever in doing it. Because the choice has been taken out of her hands.
I have realized that I love doing things because I want to do them, and setting myself up to be ‘obligated’ to do something later only reduces my interest in doing it when the time comes.
Ah well.
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'I’m so sorry, I’m sorry'
On Wednesday, I was supposed to sit in (and mostly observe) a virtual meeting with a client in Lisbon. My team had been doing some research for his company and the call with him supposed to give us insights into a product's performance in the Portuguese market.
Let’s call him Patrice.
Patrice joined the meeting a few minutes late, which was not surprising. What was surprising is that he joined using his phone, and we could see that he was in his car.
I found it odd right away. Who takes a work meeting with their phone in their car?
Anyhoo, we all did introductions, talked about the meeting's agenda, and were about to dive in when it was clear that Patrice was uncomfortable. My team member, who was supposed to drive our conversation, picked up on it as well. Let's call her F.
F: Patrice, should we dive into the discussion topics now?
P: Erm, you see, this might not be a good time for me. I have a bit of an emergency.
F: Oh sorry about that. What's the issue?
P: It's my wife's brother. He's staying with us right now and something happened at home.
F: Is he okay?
P: I don't know. But my wife, err…I need to support her. It's really difficult for her.
F: I understand. Should we reschedule the meeting?
P: Yes I think so. I'm very sorry. I'm very sorry.
F: Oh no it's fine. It happens to all of us.
P: I'm sorry. I am an excellent planner, and I'm usually very organized. I know this is an important meeting and I really wanted to take it.
F: Don't worry about it Patrice, please go support your family.
P: I'm so sorry. I like to keep my word. I'm sorry. Let's reschedule for Monday. Or Tuesday afternoon. I will check my calendar.
F: Please don't worry about it. We will schedule something for next week.
P: Thank you. Thank you. Have a good afternoon.
F: You too Patrice. Wishing your brother in-law good health.
And that was it.
While there are potentially a few things worthy of note from the experience, what jumped at me during the call was when he said something along the lines of 'I'm really sorry. I am an excellent planner, and I'm usually very organized.'
I could relate quite a bit. Trying to always be on time and ready. Having your tasks very well planned out. Being very clear about what you need to do and how you will do them.
But then, life happens. Things don’t always go according to plan. And for those of us who thrive on being ‘organized’, we struggle even more with disorientation. What now? What next? How do I re-plan my day or week or life?
It sucks.
I don't know what I would do sometimes without the concept of qadar. It gives me something to anchor myself to, knowing that whatever disruption I am experiencing was written by the best of planners.
And then you just have to go with it.
Sometimes, I am fortunate enough to later find out why the 'disruption', 'delay' or 'disappointment’ happened, and I am thankful when the hidden blessings bear fruit.
Other times, well, it is what it is. We can always count on a better tomorrow.
** Jara content:
وَلَا تَقُولَنَّ لِشَيْءٍ إِنِّي فَاعِلٌ ذَلِكَ غَدًا
And never say of anything, "Indeed, I will do that tomorrow,"
إِلَّا أَن يَشَاء اللَّهُ وَاذْكُر رَّبَّكَ إِذَا نَسِيتَ وَقُلْ عَسَى أَن يَهْدِيَنِ رَبِّي لِأَقْرَبَ مِنْ هَذَا رَشَدًا
Except [when adding], "If Allah wills." And remember your Lord when you forget [it] and say, "Perhaps my Lord will guide me to what is nearer than this to right conduct."
- Surah Kahf, verses 23 to 24
I am that 13 year old child. I'll literally be about to do something, but let someone else tell me to do it, the 'irritation' switch in my brain gets flipped on, because 'who are you to tell me what or what not to do?' and a task I would have done mindlessly, maybe even enjoyed becomes a hurdle that I have to scale. Aarrghhh
Tell me about something disorganizimg my schedules. I am an organized soul down to the folders on my phone because having 'everything' organized really gives me a semblance of 'control' and anything that disrupts that could drive me crazy. But of course, I know that as humans, 'being in control' is a dream and we're not really in control so yeah, belief in qadar helps me not to lose my mind when it gets tough.
I'm learning to tie my camel and then trust Allah these days.
Hi! As soon as I started to read today's post is when I remembered that this might be a continuation of the previous; and I silently hoped not. Imagine my joy that it wasn't! Not because the topic didn't really deserve a conclusion but because, I had moved on. I'm not a "Part 2" type of person and the two points you made, made perfect sense. Another angle is the "Now" aspect. What isn't concluded today, is likely to be irrelevant next week and it's no one's fault, thats life. Great Article today, well done!