How do we choose between projecting competence and showing vulnerability?

Are we supposed to have ties that do not unknot and hair that does not ruffle 100% of the time?

Hello guys,

Hope you are doing well. I’m doing good, Alhamdulillah. I made a conscious effort to be less of a worrywart and take things easy this weekend. Paraps it will bite me in the bum later, but for now, we movee.

Sometime last year, I saw something interesting on Instagram. The CEO of an investment firm was doing a morning run in Ikoyi, but this man was tired. He was sweaty, had clearly been running for a while, and appeared to have settled into a slow pace. Just a random man minding his business.

And then, some of his employees happened to be driving past. As usual, I don’t remember all the details but it went something like this.

‘Is that not Oga running? See Oga!’

‘Yes o, let’s get closer and Zoom in’

‘Well done sir!’

*Oga who is visibly trying to increase his speed:

‘Thank you!’

It was a super short interaction, maybe 20 seconds or less on video. But what stood out about this from the many random interactions we see on Zuckerburg’s app was that the Oga tried to increase his running pace when he knew he was on camera.

It is a perfectly normal thing to do. Our default as humans is to show our best selves to the outside world. So it got me thinking. How do we choose between projecting competence and showing vulnerability (especially in professional settings)?

Humans are humans first and foremost. We laugh, we cry, we fear, we love, we worry, we hope. Since so many companies tout ‘bring your true self to work’, how many of these emotions are we allowed to show? Or are we supposed to have ties that don’t unknot and hair that does not unruffle 100% of the time?

** random note: my newsletter is entirely subjective. For 99% of the things I share, there is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ answer.

In search of the answer to these questions, I remember listening to a podcast. Sadly, I remember neither the name nor any of the actual specifics. But I do remember the general takeaway. The speaker’s advice was something like this.

Display vulnerability after displaying competence.

What does this mean?

I have created two scenarios that should help paint a better picture.

Scenario 1:

As the company’s youngest-ever Divisional Head, Dayo is a rockstar. But today something seems off. He walked into our Monday meeting looking super confused. He forgot his laptop at home and so tries to give his presentation verbally. It sucks. He doesn’t have the data and most of his logic is flawed.

Then he stops midway and says, ‘Guys please can we do this presentation tomorrow? I’m really struggling with some personal stuff at the moment.’

What do you think is going to happen?

My guess is ‘Please take all the time you need. Let us know if we can help in any way.’

Not only will Dayo likely get away with a terrible presentation, he suddenly becomes much more likable.

‘So he struggles too? Wow I hope he’s okay.’

Dayo suddenly seems all the more human. Big sympathy points.

Scenario 2:

We are about to begin a flight from Owerri to Lagos. The air hostesses have told us to fasten our seatbelts and shown us the procedure for an emergency landing. Now there’s a message from the pilot.

‘Hello everyone! My name is Ada and I will be your pilot today. We are taking off from Owerri at 11:00 am and should arrive Murtala Muhammed Airport in Lagos by 12:15. I also thought to share with you that is my first professional flight. I graduated from Capable Aviation College in Ilorin last week. I am feeling nervous to be honest because the weather is not good today and I have never flown more than 5 people before. I want to quickly ask my flight instructor something but he’s not picking. But no problem, we will make it by God’s grace. Please enjoy your flight.’

Image from Divine Designs

What do you think would happen? 😂😂

If you have been on a Nigerian domestic flight, you know what to expect.

‘Ahh! Awusubilai!’

‘Aa ni resu. Jesus take the wheel!’

‘Take the wheel kor? Ejo e je ka bole. I’m not flying with you people.’

After reading both scenarios, I’m sure you get the point. 😅

Because Ada has no previous competence or credibility to her name, her vulnerability is very much unwelcome. It would be much better for her to keep her fears to herself (unless it is actually unsafe to fly) and focus on getting the job done.

As someone who is big on displaying vulnerability in relationships with friends and family, that podcast was a big lesson. In professional capacities, try to build competence first.

Display vulnerability after displaying competence.

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If you found this newsletter useful, please share it with your friends. Have them read it and subscribe. I like to share personal stories and life lessons I am learning. They will be super random, but common themes will be around business, personal development, human relationships, and Islam.

Gracias, and see you around.

Hameed

** I was supposed to share Part 2 of the AIESEC story this week. In fact, I woke up today fully intending to do so. But for whatever reason, this was the story ringing in my head. The heart wants what the heart wants, and we shall continue the other one next time in sha Allah.