A lot has been written about the economic cost of japa. But what about the social cost?

It's okay to dream, but we always wake up eventually.

Hi guys,

Hope you're well. I’m doing okay, Alhamdulillah.

I have been meaning to write here for a while, but unfortunately life keeps getting in the way. The next few weeks will be a sort of itinerary reset for me, and hopefully, it means I can revert to some good habits, including being more regular here. 😊

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A few months ago, one of my Dad's friends was visiting Europe, and I was fortunate to spend the day with him. I mean this literally - one full day of being together for meals, road trips, several discussions, prayers, accommodation and travel arrangements, listening in on all phone calls, etc.

The experience was instructive for me, and triggered the following reflections:

(1) I thought I knew him quite well, but we had never really spent time together

As I spent the day with him, I quickly realized that this was uncharted territory for our relationship. While he was someone I had known all my life (and whom I genuinely considered family), I had never really spent 1:1 time with him before!

Every previous interaction had been brief, e.g., saying a quick hello when we went visiting or vice versa, or having a two-minute “how is school” conversation whenever I ran into him at family functions and wider public gatherings.

Also as Nigerian culture does not particularly foster cross-generational friendships (e.g., it is considered rude for a young person to offer a handshake to an older person in Yoruba land), it made me realize that many of us young people go through life not getting value from people we should be learning a lot from!

Instead of getting business, career, and general life advice from some of the most accomplished people in our networks, our relationships with those same people are limited to our definition of them as “Alhaji Bello” or “Daddy Samuel”.

** Side note: Something I find interesting about oyinbo land is just how much it equalizes people. I recently had to interact with a 50+ Nigerian man at work, and of course, I did not use “Sir” or “Uncle” or “Boss” while addressing him (and any attempt to do so would not have been appreciated).

(2) He was so similar to my Dad, that they might as well have been the same person

Over multiple conversations, it quickly became clear why he and my Dad were friends.

They had similar thoughts on life, careers, and relationships. They had similar political leanings (much to my frustration). They even made the same type of jokes! 😂

The experience made me realize even more than I did already that most people become friends because of similar world views, and even though it had been a while since I had last spent a whole day with either of my parents at the time, I went to bed that night feeling like I just did.

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A few months ago, I had cause to search for a contact at a company I had previously interned at 5+ years ago. As I no longer remembered his name, I went to LinkedIn and filtered for my all connections who had worked for the company over the same time period.

The search results shocked me. As I scrolled through the profiles that came up, it seemed like every other person I met there had moved abroad! Surely this couldn't be true…this was an organization I had genuinely enjoyed working in, and on a short list of top companies that I believed could easily enable a very comfortable life in Nigeria. If almost half of the people in that group were leaving the country, then wow…

A lot has been said about the economic cost of japa. But what about the social and human cost? After all, behind all of the congratulatory LinkedIn and Twitter updates we see are actual people.

People who will miss their parents and siblings.

People who will miss their best friends’ weddings.

People who will have to work afternoon shift on Eid day.

People who will have to join the Christmas reunions on Snapchat.

People whose children will probably never speak their native language.

People who will learn to cut their own hair because barbers costs too much.

People who will go from being able to eat anything to being in perpetual search for halal food.

People who will go from being rockstars in their current career to having to do it all over again.

People who will continually re-evaluate whether japaing was the right decision.

Don't get me wrong. I still think the decision to leave Nigeria in pursuit of educational and professional experiences is probably the right call for many high skill, high potential young people (and even a fantastic social and lifestyle experience for some!). But to think that a one-way ticket out of Murtala Muhammed will solve all your problems and automatically create a better life is a dream.

It’s okay to dream, but the problem with dreams is that you always wake up eventually.

** Jara content:

فَأَتَتۡ بِهِۦ قَوۡمَهَا تَحۡمِلُهُۥۖ قَالُواْ يَٰمَرۡيَمُ لَقَدۡ جِئۡتِ شَيۡـٔٗا فَرِيّٗا

Then she brought him to her people, carrying him. They said, “O Mary, you have certainly done a thing unprecedented…

يَـٰٓأُخۡتَ هَٰرُونَ مَا كَانَ أَبُوكِ ٱمۡرَأَ سَوۡءٖ وَمَا كَانَتۡ أُمُّكِ بَغِيّٗا

O sister of Aaron, your father was not a man of evil, nor was your mother unchaste.”

فَأَشَارَتۡ إِلَيۡهِۖ قَالُواْ كَيۡفَ نُكَلِّمُ مَن كَانَ فِي ٱلۡمَهۡدِ صَبِيّٗا

So she pointed to him. They said, “How can we speak to one who is in the cradle a child?”

- Chapter 12 verses 27 to 29

Have a great week. ✨